20 August 2011

Aren't You Worried About Them Socially?

That's the question I was asked today at a neighbourhood child's birthday party.  It rather amused me, actually, for a couple of reasons.  First, the person who asked had assumed that Kieran went to nursery.  Yet it wasn't until I mentioned that I was going to home educate that socialisation became a concern.  If he seemed socialised enough when it was thought he went to nursery, why is it suddenly a concern when it turns out he doesn't attend nursery and won't attend school?

The second reason it amused me was because we were at a birthday party.  Obviously Kieran doesn't know these children from school.  He knew the birthday-girl and her sister from our parish, but had never met the other children.  Despite that, he was playing well with them, even if he did have a bit of conflict with another child.  It was nothing that wasn't normal at that age; I policed a little as needed but tried to step back as much as possible.  The point, though, is that he had no problem interacting with children of a variety of ages, even in a chaotic party setting (this is a big deal for my very well-ordered son), so I don't think socialisation is an issue.

I suppose I'll have to get used to these sorts of questions now that Kieran's approaching school-age.  After all, that's why the questions arose, since multiple people at the party asked me if Kieran was starting school this fall.  While I could've just answered that he's not old enough yet since his birthday is in late November, I went ahead and disclosed that I was home educating, for I see no reason to hide that fact.  In that way, I brought it on myself.  It didn't bother me, though I do get a bit annoyed with the misconceptions regarding home education.  Who knows, maybe I can help clear up some of those misconceptions over time.  And of course home education is a learning process for me, as well, and will be the entire time, as I see what works and what doesn't for each child and adapt as needed.

11 comments:

  1. I always want to retort - "Yeah, great, have them hang out with kids that act like little brats! I want them learning that!"

    Of course, that's not so nice, but oh well. LOL

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  2. I felt like that a bit, especially since one of the kids there was a bit of a bully. Though I still can't get over being asked that question while my kids are playing with other kids at a party. I mean, really.

    I'll admit that I'm a home-body, but I make sure my kids get out and interact with other people of all ages instead of just staying home. That'll come into play more as they get older, but we do it now, too.

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  3. I am an AP mom so I am surrounded by people who have decided to homeschool... I don't think it is for me, yet I am fascinated and looking in on all the parents who do, with a little awe and gaining much inspiration. I do think unschooling rocks! And I will endeavour never to ask such ill informed questions of my homeschooling friends ;)

    Gauri

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  4. Yeah, it's not for everyone. I'm not sure I could completely do unschooling, though a friend of mine is doing that. You gotta do what works for your family.

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  5. People frown upon things they don't know or understand. It is so frustrating. My hubby was homeschooled and people are always SHOCKED when they find out, as if someone that was HSed could possibly be so NORMAL. People just remember the bad instances that they run on to - most likely they're never aware of all the perfectly normal homeschoolers so they don't have that association.

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  6. Oh, I know. She'd even commented that she's seen so many gifted kids who were homeschooled and had problems down the road. I knew someone who perfectly fit the stereotype of a homeschooled kid, but it couldn't be blamed on homeschooling since another child in that family wasn't like that at all. And of course home ed isn't all that common here, so many have just not encountered it.

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  7. Ugh! I am so tired of hearing these words! The thing is my 4.5 year old has better social skills and just might be more cognitively advanced than most kids in preschool/nursery. My British FIL is trying to bully me into "allowing" him to go to school so that he can start learning. How on Earth did people learn and develop before school???

    [BTW, American-me and British-DH are currently in the States. DH has never been on board with my AP way of things. As we prepare for our upcoming move to the UK, I have to admit I am filled with dread. Can you recommend any particular British AP-minded forums or groups?]

    And I found you via Authentic Parenting and your recent post about vaccines and fear.

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  8. Ah, yes, I had someone ask me when I was going to start teaching my children, and I said I already am. The lack of a structured curriculum doesn't mean I'm not teaching them and that they aren't learning.

    I don't know specific AP forums, but could probably give you some contacts for other AP-minded mums in England. I wish you the best, and I might just be a bit jealous of you going to England, since I miss it terribly. I've been back in the US for just over a month now, after having lived in Liverpool for 5 years.

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  9. I should add that the person that asked that (about curriculum) was not at all being mean about it, and supports my decision to home educate. But the idea of curriculum and formal education is so ingrained that I think it's easy to forget how much we are always learning. I'm sure I'll do more formal teaching as they get older, but right now I'm not concerned, to be honest.

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  10. Oh, I have to admit I am disappointed you are no longer in Liverpool. We will probably be starting out in Leicester. While AP isn't exactly the cultural norm around here, I have a good number of AP-minded friends. I will be leaving my home turf, if you know what I mean. I am trying to set up a support network over there before I get there, so any suggestions in that dept would be much appreciated. My email address is lecarter@gmail.com.

    As for "teaching," right now with my son's current age (4.5 yrs), unschooling seems to make the most sense. We do "math" and "language" all day long with real things and in a natural way. When we sit down and try to do something structured, he balks. I just can't imagine subjecting him to a "structured" preschool setting where his enthusiasm for discovery might be squashed. Also, he will be in the education for so much of his life, why the rush? I don't understand why we are encouraged/bullied into rushing our kids through childhood. There is no evidence this makes for a happier, smarter child/adult!

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  11. I'm disappointed, too. Hopefully we'll be able to return to the UK, but who knows. I lucked into finding other AP mums, as I ended up living close to one, and then found some others through the local home ed group. I'll see what I can find and email you.

    I agree that there's no rush. I think they're rushed way too much, despite evidence showing that it's better to hold off on the formal instruction until they're a little older.

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