Danger

Perhaps the real danger here is writing this when I'm sleep-deprived, but here we go.

I was thinking recently of the danger of ever thinking we have everything figured out in a certain subject.  Not only is this pride, but I think it leads to complacency, and a tendency to look down on others instead of recognising their contributions and ideas.  Now, just downplaying our talents and knowledge also isn't good, for we don't want to cultivate either false humility or a rejection of our true talents.

For years I was quite prideful regarding my intellect, to the point where I didn't readily accept justified criticism and is one reason I didn't get on well with my supervisor.  In looking back I can easily see all the things I didn't and don't know.  I do still struggle at times with being an intellectual snob, I admit, though I'm learning.

As annoying as this was with purely intellectual pursuits, I think the real danger was when I was so certain in my own understanding of spiritual subjects.  Now, I'm not saying that we can't be certain of anything, but that we should never think that we have it all figured out and therefore don't need to learn more or grow more.  I distinctly remember thinking at one point, I think in college, that I pretty much knew all about it and was right and didn't need to learn much more.  Wow.  Too bad that wasn't true.  My pride was puffed up when someone would ask me questions about something or other in the Bible.  I didn't see it as pride then, but I do see it for what it was now.  In fact, it wasn't too long after that that God started putting various questions in my path, leading me to question everything I thought I knew, to strip away the pride that said I knew it all and to instead ask.  Sometimes that old pride creeps up again, and then I'm humbled and reminded that, although I've studied a lot in my journey to Catholicism, there is still quite a lot that I don't know.  It's humbling to admit I don't have the answers, and that I may not even be able to understand all the ins and outs (at the very least not without a lot more study), and therefore need to trust those whom God has placed in leadership.  My very being chafes against following another sometimes, and other times I find it very freeing, once I've let go of that pride.

I'm sure this is all very disjointed, but I hope it makes some sense.  I've been up since 4.45, so it might be completely nonsensical.