Aren't You Worried About Them Socially?

That's the question I was asked today at a neighbourhood child's birthday party.  It rather amused me, actually, for a couple of reasons.  First, the person who asked had assumed that Kieran went to nursery.  Yet it wasn't until I mentioned that I was going to home educate that socialisation became a concern.  If he seemed socialised enough when it was thought he went to nursery, why is it suddenly a concern when it turns out he doesn't attend nursery and won't attend school?

The second reason it amused me was because we were at a birthday party.  Obviously Kieran doesn't know these children from school.  He knew the birthday-girl and her sister from our parish, but had never met the other children.  Despite that, he was playing well with them, even if he did have a bit of conflict with another child.  It was nothing that wasn't normal at that age; I policed a little as needed but tried to step back as much as possible.  The point, though, is that he had no problem interacting with children of a variety of ages, even in a chaotic party setting (this is a big deal for my very well-ordered son), so I don't think socialisation is an issue.

I suppose I'll have to get used to these sorts of questions now that Kieran's approaching school-age.  After all, that's why the questions arose, since multiple people at the party asked me if Kieran was starting school this fall.  While I could've just answered that he's not old enough yet since his birthday is in late November, I went ahead and disclosed that I was home educating, for I see no reason to hide that fact.  In that way, I brought it on myself.  It didn't bother me, though I do get a bit annoyed with the misconceptions regarding home education.  Who knows, maybe I can help clear up some of those misconceptions over time.  And of course home education is a learning process for me, as well, and will be the entire time, as I see what works and what doesn't for each child and adapt as needed.

Why I Want to Home Educate: Time

This reason is perhaps a bit more frivolous, but I was thinking about this lately.  I think I'd have a hard time getting the kids to school on time with a minimum of fussing.  My kids aren't morning people.  They do wake up early because of the sun (and won't that be fun once it hits summer and it gets light around 3.00), but both of them like to go back to bed after Mass most mornings.  I also find that I'm sometimes more rushed getting them out the door when we have to be somewhere at a certain time.  Now, I know that if we were in a routine with it, that likely wouldn't be the case, since we're rarely rushed getting out the door for Mass.  Obviously this isn't the foremost reason for me, but just something I was thinking about recently.

On a more serious note about time, though, home educating also means my children will have more time to devote to subjects they enjoy, or will have more time to master a concept.  They won't be rushed with it and won't have to either move on before they're ready or lag behind waiting for others to catch up.  They won't have to worry about the arbitrary schedules that the teacher must follow.  They won't have to curtail their time to look at other subjects that are not subject to standardised testing (I'll not get into my rant on standardised testing right now other than to say that I think they're often a better test of how good a test-taker a person is and not a true measure of what they know; this isn't always true, but often, in my opinion).

Why I Want to Home Educate: Socialisation

Wait a minute, home educating because of socialisation?  Isn't it usually the other way around?  It's true that many people list socialisation as a reason against educating at home, but I think there's a lot to be said for the socialisation that happens outside a traditional school structure.  The school structure is very artificial and doesn't reflect the reality of the outside world, since we're rarely, if ever, in age-segregated environments outside of school.  When educating at home, however, the children have the opportunity to be around a wide variety of people of different ages, thus learning how to handle those various social environments.  Obviously there are opportunities for this for children who are in a traditional school, too, but the opportunities are necessarily a bit more limited since so much of the day is spent at school (or commuting to and from school).

Another aspect of socialisation is the social pressures present in school.  I'd not thought about this part quite as much until reading Catholic Education: Homeward Bound - a Useful Guide to Catholic Home Schooling by Kimberley Hahn and Mary Hasson.  There were a couple of quotes that stood out to me.

Some of you entered the class shy and insecure.  You may have learned to be outgoing.  Perhaps you learned to follow the crowd in your own quiet way.  However, you may have become painfully shy, feeling more and more left out.

I was the one who was quiet and shy, and school really didn't help that much.  It wasn't until later that I became less shy.

Whatever your situation, you learned: best not to stand out - not too smart and not too dumb, not too talented and not too dull, not too talkative and not too shy.  If you did well academically, you learned to minimize or hide it - not out of sensitivity to others, trying not to be boastful or arrogant, but because it was a dreadful thing to become the one who was envied.

I can also relate to this some.  I was salutatorian in high school.  While I was always competitive academically, I was also self-conscious at times when I got better grades than friends, especially because I didn't have to work especially hard to get the good grades.  I was proud of my achievements, and yet didn't want to be singled out before the whole class (I was fine with it in academic team settings, though - yes, I'm a geek).  My overall point, though, is that I think socialisation can be handled well at home, and that there may even be an advantage at home, depending on how you home educate.

Why I Want to Home Educate: Academics

Another reason I wish to educate my children at home is because of academics.  I want their education to be tailored to their abilities, and I want to make the most of their interests.

Ideally teachers group children into smaller groups according to their abilities, but it isn't always possible to accommodate the diverse abilities and learning styles of each child, nor is it usually possible to give one-on-one tuition.  I remember when I was in 5th grade and I found the maths work to be quite easy.  My teacher, the wonderful Mrs Trunnell, pulled out a 6th grade maths book to try to have me work at a higher level; however, this didn't last for long, because she could not accommodate teaching the entire class one thing and then pulling me aside for extra tuition.  While I generally enjoyed school due to my love of learning, I was also bored for a great deal of school.  On the other end of the spectrum, there were also those subjects (namely algebra II, geometry, and pre-calc) where I would've benefitted from taking things a bit slower to ensure I really had a grasp of the subjects before moving on, but I was generally too self-conscious and/or intimidated to ask for help from the teachers.  Both of these are things I wish to avoid for my children, and which I believe can be avoided through educating at home.  After all, I will be able to give them individual instruction and can constantly assess their strengths and weaknesses, as well as being able to accommodate their different learning styles (I am a visual learner, we'll see if they are visual, auditory, or tactile learners, or some combination of those things).

I also remember yearning to learn more history in school.  My freshman year of high school I was disappointed to find that there was no required history class that year.  In fact there was no required social studies class of any kind that year.  My electives tended to be whatever social studies classes I could find, therefore, though there weren't as many options as I would've liked.  Obviously there were some other opportunities to explore topics that interested me, such as writing a research paper or being involved in summer digs with a local archaeologist, but I still would've liked more.  Without being constrained either by standardised testing or the demands of working with a larger class, I should be able to accommodate my children's interests.  Of course I will also expose them to a variety of things inasmuch as possible, so they won't be limited in that regard.

Another advantage of homeschooling is that I'll be able to take them to museums and other outings during the school day, when the places won't be as crowded and they can have more time to truly investigate and explore.  In fact, we recently did that.  We'd gone to the museum, where there's a small aquarium.  Kieran had been to the London Aquarium in December, and he has often looked at his book about fish which he brought back from there.  He therefore wanted to explore the aquarium for nearly the entire time we were there, and it was perfect because a school group had just left and so very few people were there at the time.

I should also note that I do know my limitations, and will seek out help if and as needed.  I also have the benefit of having a father who is involved with educational reform, and I like to bounce ideas off of him and discuss various things with him.

Why I Want to Home Educate: Faith

Lately I've been considering more why I want to home educate, and so I've started writing them down.  Thus far I've come up with several reasons which I will go through in due course.  The reasons at the top of my list are related to my Catholic faith.  These reasons are: the desire for my children to have a completely orthodox education, and the ability to attend daily Mass as a family.  (Please note: any of the reasons I give are simply my reasons for my family.  Every family must decide for themselves what is best for their family)

Most of the Catholic schools here receive public funding.  The good thing about this is that it means the parents don't have to pay to send their children to that school; the down side is that it means the school must use the national curriculum.  While there definitely are schools that retain their Catholic identity even with using the national curriculum, it is more difficult.  I want the Catholic faith to permeate their education, through all subjects, and not just be tacked on in one class.  Nor do I want their instruction on their faith to be watered down or compromised in any way.  This is perhaps most obvious in sex ed classes, but isn't limited to that.  I'll ensure they are exposed to other ideas, of course, but not in a way that will undermine their faith.  I will also endeavour to ensure they are taught the "why" behind all we do and believe.

Related to the desire for them to have an orthodox education is the desire to take the children to daily Mass when possible.  We often go to Mass during the week; Kieran asks to go daily, but I don't always get everyone ready in time.  I've really no excuse for that, since we get to 8.00 Mass on Sundays, and daily Mass is at 9.00.  Of course, we also don't eat breakfast until after Sunday Mass, which helps.  I don't know of any of the parish schools that have the children attend Mass even on a weekly or monthly basis.  A lot of that is just a matter of logistics: some priests oversee more than one parish and school, and many parishes cannot hold all the students at once, so they'd have to break it down by grade.  I understand why it would be difficult for them to do it, so I don't fault them for it.  However, it is something that I can do, and which is already a part of our routine.

OK, so why don't I send them to a private Catholic school?  After all, they don't have to use the national curriculum and may perhaps be more likely to offer daily Mass more regularly.  Well, one reason is that I can't afford that, but that is not the only reason.  The other reasons have to do with my other, perhaps more general, reasons to homeschool, and those will be dealt with in other posts.

Extremes

Lately I seem to have come across a fair amount of parenting things, sometimes in seemingly surprising locations.  I don't seek out parenting books or the like, and never have really (with the exception of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley)  Something I've noticed in some of these is the tendency to paint things in extremes.  For example, I was skimming a book (a homeschooling book, incidentally, so I was a bit surprised to find this in it) that mentioned that you should train a baby to sleep through the night after 6 months, and then spoke of how you need to do this training and discipline because you shouldn't have a child to whom you never say "no".  Leaving aside my views on sleep training, this seems a rather extreme jump in logic, doesn't it?  Suggesting that not training your child in this way means that you never say "no" to your child isn't the logical deduction to make, in my opinion.  I'm sure these extreme jumps can go the other way, too, so I'm not trying to just pick on one parenting style/philosophy.

Personally, though, I'll just keep doing what comes naturally, what works for my family, and not seek out what a parenting book says.  And while I'm not homeschooling at the moment, I see no reason that continuing to be an attachment parent, something I follow instinctively and did prior to even knowing there was a label for this style of parenting, should impede educating my children.