Full-Term Breastfeeding in Public

Time to combine two topics that are sometimes seen as controversial in and of themselves: full-term breastfeeding (sometimes called extended breastfeeding) and breastfeeding in public.  If you know me, you know I fully support breastfeeding in public, and I'm still breastfeeding my 3-year-old because he's not ready to wean completely yet, and I'm not going to force him.  I think both of these things should be more widespread, yet I'd given little thought to the logical step of full-term breastfeeding in public as well.  One reason given for promoting breastfeeding in public is to normalise breastfeeding, since the more it is seen, the more it will be accepted.  Would this not also apply to full-term breastfeeding?  I think it would, personally.

I was thinking about this yesterday when Kieran wanted me to come outside with him while he played with his friends.  He then added that he wanted milk outside.  At first I tried to put him off, to tell him that he could have it later, but then I questioned why I was telling him that.  Did I have a good reason?  Not really.  I simply wanted to avoid any comments from the other adults out there (or even from the other kids).  Now, I've breastfed him in public fairly recently, but usually it's around others who are like-minded about breastfeeding, so I've not been nervous.  Yesterday I was a little nervous, but I went ahead and fed him because I reasoned that I couldn't let my nervousness adversely affect him.  I don't want him to think that breastfeeding in public is taboo, because it shouldn't be.  I just hadn't thought about how my attitude and nervousness would affect him like that before.  Perhaps now I won't be so quick to say "no" if the only reason behind the "no" is because we're in public.  And if someone comments or questions, hopefully I'll have the presence of mind to answer respectfully, and with the relevant information on the continued benefits of full-term breastfeeding.

Developmental Checks

I've formed the opinion that developmental checks are rather silly overall.  That's not to say that they don't do some good, as I'm sure they can help if a child is very behind, but I think a lot of it is silly.  Some of the things that were listed were more about societal expectations than truly developmental.

I also object to the declaration that all children of this age should do these certain things, because every child is different and will reach different milestones at different times.  Yes, you can say that the majority of children of a certain age will reach certain milestones around that age, but I think it can lead to unwarranted alarm when parents are told to contact their healthcare provider if their child isn't meeting one of those benchmarks.    I suppose I don't have to worry as much since my children do not attend nursery or school, so there isn't the constant comparison of what one child can do and another can't.  Personally, I think it's healthy to ditch the comparisons.

While I've felt this way for a while, I do admit that my ideas became more fleshed out after reading an article written by Mayim Bialik (aka Blossom, for those of us who grew up in that era).  I think this quote sums it up, "Barring outstanding medical concerns, I believe in letting children progress in their own way and pace, modeling behavior while respecting the innate development of a child as an autonomous and purposeful creature."

Do Unto Others

During my on-going journey of parenting, I've necessarily been wrestling with my ideas on discipline. It's easy to come up with a plan when they're really little, but a bit different when it comes to putting it into action as they grow, in my opinion. As I've been examining this, the phrase that keeps coming back to me is the “Golden Rule”: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

In fact, this phrase comes back to me with a lot of my parenting decisions, not just discipline. I try to stop and think about whether I would want to be treated in that way. Yes, we need to direct our children, as they don't understand some of the dangers and need to learn how to listen to and respect others, but there are different ways to accomplish that. I also remember wanting that respect as a child. I was much more likely to do something without complaint if I were asked instead of told, for I then felt that my parents respected me enough to ask. That doesn't mean that all those things were optional (they weren't), but that respect was still there, and I appreciated, and still appreciate, that.

So how does this work in practise? Well, for one it means that I try to look at the “why” behind the “what” when it comes to my children's behaviour. Why is my son screaming? Is it just because he's tired and hungry? Well, I can fix that easily enough and then talk to him about it. Why is my daughter getting into things she shouldn't? Is it because she needs my attention but wasn't getting it? I can fix that. Why isn't my son picking up his toys? Does he just not want to do so? Then I can talk to him and explain that it's important to pick up toys before moving on to the next task and tell him that I need his help to do it. If that doesn't work, I can explain that we can't go outside or do whatever activity he wanted until we've picked up the toys, which will usually motivate him. Now, I'm not talking about coercion or bribing, but explaining that our actions have consequences and that we are in charge of how we act, but we also have to accept the consequences. I see a lot of myself in my kids' stubbornness, so perhaps that helps me a bit.

Following the Golden Rule also means that I apologise to them when I've done something wrong. If I've raised my voice or have gotten cross with them over a trifling matter, then I admit that I was wrong and ask their forgiveness. I'm trying to teach them that this respect goes both ways, and also modelling how I want them to act.

Now, I'm not perfect, and I don't have all the answers. I'm still learning every day, for each day is a step into the unknown. That being said, I think it important to continue to strive to parent with respect, to parent by following the Golden Rule.

Danger

Perhaps the real danger here is writing this when I'm sleep-deprived, but here we go.

I was thinking recently of the danger of ever thinking we have everything figured out in a certain subject.  Not only is this pride, but I think it leads to complacency, and a tendency to look down on others instead of recognising their contributions and ideas.  Now, just downplaying our talents and knowledge also isn't good, for we don't want to cultivate either false humility or a rejection of our true talents.

For years I was quite prideful regarding my intellect, to the point where I didn't readily accept justified criticism and is one reason I didn't get on well with my supervisor.  In looking back I can easily see all the things I didn't and don't know.  I do still struggle at times with being an intellectual snob, I admit, though I'm learning.

As annoying as this was with purely intellectual pursuits, I think the real danger was when I was so certain in my own understanding of spiritual subjects.  Now, I'm not saying that we can't be certain of anything, but that we should never think that we have it all figured out and therefore don't need to learn more or grow more.  I distinctly remember thinking at one point, I think in college, that I pretty much knew all about it and was right and didn't need to learn much more.  Wow.  Too bad that wasn't true.  My pride was puffed up when someone would ask me questions about something or other in the Bible.  I didn't see it as pride then, but I do see it for what it was now.  In fact, it wasn't too long after that that God started putting various questions in my path, leading me to question everything I thought I knew, to strip away the pride that said I knew it all and to instead ask.  Sometimes that old pride creeps up again, and then I'm humbled and reminded that, although I've studied a lot in my journey to Catholicism, there is still quite a lot that I don't know.  It's humbling to admit I don't have the answers, and that I may not even be able to understand all the ins and outs (at the very least not without a lot more study), and therefore need to trust those whom God has placed in leadership.  My very being chafes against following another sometimes, and other times I find it very freeing, once I've let go of that pride.

I'm sure this is all very disjointed, but I hope it makes some sense.  I've been up since 4.45, so it might be completely nonsensical.

Why I Want to Home Educate: Time

This reason is perhaps a bit more frivolous, but I was thinking about this lately.  I think I'd have a hard time getting the kids to school on time with a minimum of fussing.  My kids aren't morning people.  They do wake up early because of the sun (and won't that be fun once it hits summer and it gets light around 3.00), but both of them like to go back to bed after Mass most mornings.  I also find that I'm sometimes more rushed getting them out the door when we have to be somewhere at a certain time.  Now, I know that if we were in a routine with it, that likely wouldn't be the case, since we're rarely rushed getting out the door for Mass.  Obviously this isn't the foremost reason for me, but just something I was thinking about recently.

On a more serious note about time, though, home educating also means my children will have more time to devote to subjects they enjoy, or will have more time to master a concept.  They won't be rushed with it and won't have to either move on before they're ready or lag behind waiting for others to catch up.  They won't have to worry about the arbitrary schedules that the teacher must follow.  They won't have to curtail their time to look at other subjects that are not subject to standardised testing (I'll not get into my rant on standardised testing right now other than to say that I think they're often a better test of how good a test-taker a person is and not a true measure of what they know; this isn't always true, but often, in my opinion).

Book Nook

In honour of today being the feast day of St George, I've chosen The Reluctant Dragon by Kenneth Grahame.  I've not gotten around to reading Shakespeare's Henry V to them yet, thus why that one wasn't chosen for today.  

I grew up watching and loving the Disney short, but hadn't known it was based on a book until I had children.  We love Grahame's The Wind in the Willows, so I figured we'd get this book and see how it is.  Unfortunately the kids haven't let me read it to them all the way through yet, but both have liked what has been read.  Often with new books they walk away a few times at first, but then will read through it all the way.  The book does feature St George meeting the dragon, thus the connection to today.  So, happy feast of St George!

St George

I might have to re-read Henry V today, just for this speech:

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;

Or close the wall up with our English dead.

In peace there's nothing so becomes a man

As modest stillness and humility:

But when the blast of war blows in our ears,

Then imitate the action of the tiger;

Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,

Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;

Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;

Let pry through the portage of the head

Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it

As fearfully as doth a galled rock

O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,

Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.

Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,

Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit

To his full height. On, on, you noblest English.

Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!

Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,

Have in these parts from morn till even fought

And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:

Dishonour not your mothers; now attest

That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.

Be copy now to men of grosser blood,

And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,

Whose limbs were made in England, show us here

The mettle of your pasture; let us swear

That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;

For there is none of you so mean and base,

That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.

I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,

Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge

Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'