Book Nook: Saint George and the Dragon

As you may have noticed, Kieran is fond of dragons of late, due in large part to The Hobbit. Thus every trip to the library has meant searching for dragon books.  Lately I've taken to looking on the library catalogue before we go and placing the books on hold to make the search easier.  Doing this helped me to find Saint George and the Dragon retold by Margaret Hodges after Edmund Spencer's The Faerie Queen.  I'd hoped to come across a children's book with St George's story in it, so I was thrilled.  Hodges presents the story very well, and the illustrations are beautiful.

Backwards Thinking

"Would you consider sitting in the back? Your children are distracting." 

I have, unfortunately, heard this a number of times after Mass. Such statements anger me, in large part because I think they reflect backward thinking about things.  (I should note here that I try not to get angry with the person who says it, for I know they aren't intending to be hurtful at all.  I should also note that I sit in the front so my children can see, on the advice of my former confessor, a very holy Benedictine monk.) 

Like I said, I sit in the front. It can be a challenge at times, as Leo is at an age where he wants to explore, especially now that he's walking.  He can sometimes get overly excited and let out a squeal (which would be very audible at any location in the sanctuary) and sometimes he has gallbladder attacks.  I get up with him if necessary, leaving the other two (I am always where I can see them).  Charlotte wants to follow me in those cases, but I try to get her to stay in the pew.  My husband is in the choir.  When I'm sitting in the pew, then both Kieran and Charlotte are usually joining in as they can, especially if we've gone over our expectations beforehand; Kieran of course can do as he should with or without me sitting there. I keep distractions to a minimum as much as possible, but some Masses go better than others in that regard. After all, they are young children who are sometimes tired or hungry or just having a hard time.

Now for why I think telling a family with young children to sit in the back to minimise distractions is a bit backward.  An adult or teen can, presumably, continue to focus on the Mass even with children near.  An adult or teen should know the Mass well enough to continue praying it even if he cannot hear everything.  After all, if that adult or teen were to attend a Tridentine Mass, he wouldn't hear every word by design, since many of the prayers are said by the priest alone in a soft voice.  I suppose an exception would be someone who is visiting or converting, but such a person is also capable of looking up the information and should, again, be able to ignore distractions for the most part.  When I was converting I usually sat in the back, where I could both observe other people and the altar, as I hadn't the benefit of knowing other Catholics with whom to attend Mass, and sitting in the back didnt impede my seeing the Mass.  I will admit that I was distracted by children at times, and even complained about them, but that was my problem and not the child's or his family's. 

A child, however, is still learning the Mass.  He also has less self-control and so is not as able to ignore distractions.  Sitting in the back would make it impossible for the child to see, thus making it more difficult to learn the Mass and increasing distractions for the child.  While one person doesn't trump another, I think being mindful of the impact these things can have is important.  Surely it is important to give the children the best start possible in their faith by accommodating them in this way.  Obviously I don't mean one should give in to their every whim and let them run wild, but accept that, in teaching them the proper behaviour, there will be blips and distractions.  

I suppose part of this is my parenting philosophy, too. I've no doubt I could get the kids to all be silent (or at least nearly so) and still(er) if I allowed toys and snacks, but I don't.  The only books I allow are prayer books or books about Mass or Mary or the like, though it is rare that we take even those to Mass.  I want them to learn that this is a special time and place, and that playing or looking at other books isn't really what we should do in Mass. Snacks would end up all over the place, and besides, our pastor has asked that we not have food in the sanctuary, so unless it is absolutely necessary I will not do that. I also try not to be overly harsh, so i do allow some leeway, in that they can move some in the pew, but not get out of the pew without permission, for example. 

 I know sitting in the back wouldn't ruin them, of course, but it does make it more difficult in my experience (I used to sit in the back until told by my confessor to move for the sake of the children).  I can already see fruit in this approach; it may not be for everyone, but for my family it is the best option. It certainly makes it easier on the children. 

Sunday Snippets - a Catholic Carnival

I hope everyone's had a nice week! Go to RAnn's for the full carnival. :-). Here are my posts of the week:

Book Nook: The Loathsome Dragon
Ignoring Reality
Crafty Thursday
On Sheldon and Paula Deen

On Sheldon and Paula Deen

Most have, I think, heard of the controversy surrounding Paula Deen of late. I can't claim to know the entire story, but what I've read somehow reminds me of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.  Deen has admitted that she has used and heard racial slurs without considering it a problem, and has orchestrated events where she sought to evoke old plantations, including the slaves, by having an all-black waitstaff.  She maintains, though, that she isn't racist, and I can believe that she is not consciously racist, but these attitudes are, in fact, racist.

Compare that to Sheldon.  Sheldon is very sexist, without even recognizing that he is.  His use of sexist language got him in trouble, even though he had no idea that what he said was wrong, nor why.  This doesn't stop him from being, in fact, sexist.

In both cases, bigoted views are held subconsciously, and are not recognized for what they are.  When the person is reprimanded, the reprimand is met with disbelief and protestations of innocence.  It is true that the intention was not to be bigoted, and intention is indeed important, but the action itself remains bigoted. We all have our biases and prejudices, but hopefully we can learn to recognize them and therefore move past them and instead see others as God sees them.

Crafty Thursday

Not much to report today - I've just been working on the monkey blanket. I really am leaning towards making one for each child, but we'll see.

Ignoring Reality

Whenever I see comments about how parents should tag-team Mass I can't help but think how recommending that across the board ignores reality.  I especially think this when the suggestion is coupled with telling the mother to leave a baby at home with the father so she can go to Mass.  Now, of course there are times when tag-teaming or one parent staying home will happen, such as when a child is ill. I am not speaking of such times, but of doing this habitually.  (Before I continue, if you tag-team and it works for you, that's fine, you'll get no judgement from me; this is simply to address how that may not always be a feasible solution.) 

Why do I think it ignores reality? For one, we Catholics are known for having larger families in the eyes of the world.  If the parents must tag-team for as long as there is a baby or toddler, then there will be years where the family do not attend Mass as a family.  There's a family in my parish where the mother is currently pregnant with child number fourteen.  Telling them to tag-team or telling her to stay home to care for the youngest means they wouldn't have attended Mass as a family for roughly 20 years, which surely isn't ideal.  Instead, they are there daily - a beautiful sight. 

Tag-teaming also assumes there are multiple Masses accessible, and at times that are conducive to one parent driving home before the other leaves.  While that would be possible for us, it isn't for many. Even if it is possible time-wise, rising fuel costs could make that cost-prohibitive for many.  Also cost-prohibitive for many is hiring a sitter for Sundays, which also causes someone else to do unnecessary work on Sunday. 

Suggesting a mother can attend without her baby ignores the realities of breastfeeding and separation anxiety.  Breastfeeding is regulated by supply and demand, which requires feeding on cue instead of scheduling feeds.  While going a couple of hours might sound like a short time, if the child needs to nurse then he should be fed.  Using a bottle is not the answer, either, as it can interfere with the milk supply (some can successfully do this, but definitely not all).  Breastfeeding just isn't meant to work like that, though.  I know that few in Western society are truly familiar with the mechanics of breastfeeding, so I know the people suggesting this aren't aware of the effects such a suggestion could have.  

Even were these things feasible for my family, I personally wouldn't do it.  For me, it is important that we go to Mass as a family.  During the week the kids and I go daily whenever possible.  They may not be old enough to be required to attend yet, but they are learning (brag: Kieran sang "Tantum Ergo Sacramentum" at Benediction before Mass Friday).  Ok, so Leo rushes the altar whenever my attention is diverted, but he will learn.  And we all get graces, which helps me be a better mum.  I think we'll keep doing it as we are.

Book Nook: The Loathsome Dragon

I can't promise to make this a weekly post again, but when I find a book my children and I love, I can't resist sharing.  Instead of just perusing the shelves at the library, I decided to take my cue from a friend who always puts the books on hold.

I therefore asked Kieran what kind of books he wanted, and one of his suggestions was a dragon book.  I searched the library catalogue and found The Loathsome Dragon by David Wiesner and Kim Kahng.  It's a fairy tale of sorts set in Bamburgh Castle.  Instead of being a typical tale of a ferocious dragon who must be defeated by the brave knight, the dragon is an enchanted beast who must be helped by the knight.  The story and illustrations are wonderful, and the children love the humorous ending.  I'd definitely recommend it.